:: qBloq ::

:: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 ::

Wow, then there was a qBloq junior running around! Well, not running just yet--that would be really, really weird, yet extremely marketable.

:: Q 2/02/2010 11:45:00 PM
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1.. 2...

:: Q 6/07/2008 03:45:00 PM
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Have you ever had one of those nights where you're just sitting in your backyard at 1:30am, and then you smell something odd & notice a huge column of gray smoke heading skyward, only to go to the street and see a car completely engulfed in flames, because some people had stolen it earlier in the evening, dumped it down the road, and then come back to torch it? I have. It's pretty weird. And it leaves melty plastic bits and scorch marks in the road.

:: Q 6/07/2008 11:52:00 AM
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We went to a baseball game yesterday. As usual, they had a stupid race with people in giant taco and burrito outfits. Given recent world events, I'd just like to express my genuine gratitude for being lucky enough to live a life where I can watch food fight, instead of having to fight for food.

:: Q 6/01/2008 12:33:00 PM
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While driving by a church, I noticed that their new-fangled digital sign said something very close to: "Forbidden fruit has caused many jams." Maybe I'm crazy, but if jam's coming out of your forbidden fruit, you should probably see a doctor.

:: Q 6/01/2008 12:32:00 PM
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Let's see... One year ago, about now, I was probably saying something like "Yes, I do." Yay! Many thanks to all those that made our wedding celebration so marvelous. I'm still glad that I fed my lovely bride the biggest piece of wedding cake ever!

:: Q 3/18/2007 06:17:00 PM
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"It's good."

:: Q 12/13/2006 08:42:00 PM
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"Without rock, modern society wouldn't exist." The History Channel's show, Modern Marvels, told me so.

:: Q 9/30/2006 02:44:00 PM
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A fond farewell to the SPS box. She was a good ship...

:: Q 9/24/2006 09:57:00 PM
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Well, it's doing that summer thing, again... Last night, the low (repeat, the LOW) temperature was 97F. It was back up to 100F by 7am. Yeah!!

:: Q 7/23/2006 01:51:00 PM
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Parking before dinner this evening took place next to a lovely Maserati. After getting out of the car, however, I noticed that the Maserati had its windshield sun shade in place. Why is this Annals of Stuff-worthy? Well, most obviously because the Maserati also had its convertible top lowered. Furthermore, it was quite late in the day (perhaps an hour or two before sunset), and the car was pointed towards the south east. If that sun shade were to have any impact at all, we've surmised that it might only serve to reflect sunlight back onto the seats, making them warmer.

:: Q 6/26/2006 10:02:00 PM
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Perhaps the most hilarious store name ever: Rim Liquor. Also, just in case you were interested, a sign at Rim Liquor indicates that additional parking is available in the rear.

:: Q 6/26/2006 10:00:00 PM
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Yay!! Happy New Year, everybody! Had a damn nice little party to send out the goodness that was 2005 and bring in the goodness that will hopefully be 2006. Huzzah!

:: Q 1/01/2006 03:51:00 PM
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30 second movie re-enactments can be pretty damn hilarious. 30 second re-enactments re-enacted by bunnies? Go! Go now!!! Don't make me re-re-enact this post! Or something. Oh, it's here.

:: Q 10/29/2005 08:06:00 PM
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Perhaps it is best summed up this way: imagine that a dinosaur died and lay dead for days, and then you ate a bunch of bad Mexican food and crawled up the dinosaur's ass and threw up. It smelled worse than that. The absolutely most horrible smell. To my compatriots in stench, I thank you.

:: Q 7/09/2005 04:30:00 PM
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Right, so what you do is you fire up GarageBand and make yourself some sort of horrible 80s synth organ/banjo/harmonica clusterfuck of melodic doom. Then you head to the BeastBlender and make yourself a wacky beastie. Finally, play the beastie's glorious theme music! Excellent!! Oh, the synth organ/banjo/harmonica doom (with cowbell, even!) works great for remixing "The Hand That Feeds", too.

:: Q 6/18/2005 08:52:00 AM
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Woohoo! She said yes!

:: Q 6/17/2005 04:30:00 PM
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Let's see if I can get this straight... I am currently not a student. This is the first time that I've not been a student in (sit down) 26 years. TWENTY-SIX YEARS!!! Wow. This is also the first time that I've not been a student since moving to the state of Arizona, if I'm not mistaken (about the same amount of time, really). Guess I'd better go to work tomorrow, then. It feels good to be done. My thanks to all who have offered support over the years.

:: Q 5/08/2005 06:24:00 PM
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He was one of the sweetest creatures I have ever known. It was a pleasure and a privilege to be considered a part of his pack.

:: Q 12/30/2004 12:24:00 PM
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Wow. I think we may have actually found the absolute worst bumper sticker out there. The. Worst. No, not the "W04" sticker. The other sticker on that truck read: "The only urine sample you'll get from me will be for a taste test." Yeah...

:: Q 12/20/2004 10:26:00 AM
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Ah, the Dreidel Drinking Game... Really, really horrible if you're downing Miller High Life on top of latkes, Ethiopian food, cookies, un-wine, and a lot of water. Oofph. Regardless, here are the rules, created from the original rule sheet passed down from the keepers of the word, preserving as much of the spelling and syntax as possible:
ג Giml - U drink everyone adds & U add
נ Nun - everyone adds
ה Hey - give away a drink
ש Shin - you add
fill up - drink all
-last hey - drink -thumbmaster
-no pointing else drink
-sip ok
-add to Jeremy's drink @ available opportunities
-drink, drank, drunk = drink

:: Q 12/13/2004 12:12:00 PM
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I'm sick of gold trim on cars. I'm sick of spinning wheels. I'm sick of tuned pipes that make cars sound like fucking kazoos. What the hell is wrong with people?!?! FINALLY, here is a fantaaaastic example of a good car mod. Sadly, the camera focused more on the squashed windshield bugs, instead of the bug of interest. Oh, and lest I forget, the doodad? You betcha! It spins around. TurboRad...

:: Q 5/29/2004 01:32:00 PM
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Watching political speeches upside down is really cool... Eventually, my brain stopped trying to assign a normal facial orientation to what I was looking at. I was left looking at a weird person with a no neck, a huge beard, funky eyeball dimples, and a kick-ass forehead with a mouth in it. I shall call my newly constructed candidate Mouthy Cyclops Man, and he shall rule over all.

:: Q 4/30/2004 12:51:00 PM
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Apparently, the decision for governmental change made by Spain's voters is akin to siding with Al Qaeda, according to a Shrubbya spokesperson. So, by implication, voting Shrub out of office might be construed as a similar act. qBloq took this ridonkulous notion to American voters. What might they say? Paraphrasing the words of one extremely pissed off voter: "Change horses in mid-stream? If my horse has three broken legs and is pissing all over me, of course I'm going to change horses in mid-stream! I'll shoot that fucking horse!" Right on, sister. Right on.

:: Q 3/18/2004 10:48:00 PM
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And so it begins... Dorks In Space is online, and, if you're reading this, soon to be selling soul-massaging rock to you!!

:: Q 3/08/2004 10:59:00 AM
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Researchers at the Particle Research Institute have announced the discovery of the burdon. The burdon has been long sought after as the carrier of burdens. Those afflicted with burdens have never been able to fully understand the origin of their burdens, or, in the words of one subject, why "this always happens to me!!" Finally, with the discovery of the burdon, the propagation of burdens can be more fully understood. In the press release describing their research, Particle Research Institute researchers noted that people should be aware that high-energy burdons can bring about a sudden affliction of burdens. In part, they said, "if you see another person who clearly has burdens, it's probably best to move away as quickly and as discretely as possible so as to avoid the area of high burdon density."

:: Q 3/03/2004 09:17:00 PM
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It's election time, again! Local analysts have noticed that a certain candidate looks like he might have been part of a crack commando unit, sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. It is likely that he promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Before being wanted for the presidency, he survived as a soldier of fortune. Now, if you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find a polling place, then maybe you can vote for... Face Edwards.

:: Q 2/04/2004 05:27:00 PM
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People need to stop freaking out about me having a butane torch. Why, oh why, can't I make some crème brûlée in peace?! Or maybe some wood brûlée... or plastic brûlée... Oh, crap, is this still on?? Son of a b

:: Q 12/22/2003 02:46:00 PM
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Finding himself using 'brb', our intrepid hero cringes and decides that such IM abbreviations are right out! His solution: not to treat IM abbreviations as abbreviations, but rather as new words that mean what the abbreviation means. For example, brb isn't short for 'be right back.' Rather, it's an absurd sounding word that, when typed or spoken, means that the speaker will be right back. Transposing into Martha Stewart-ese: it's a quick and easy way to efficiently communicate and add a little drop of joy and silliness to your day. Our hero leans back in his chair, satisfied with his newfound, self-justifying work-around, enjoying lol. Fyi, afaik he'll brb asap to ttyl.

:: Q 12/21/2003 03:50:00 PM
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From the "Hmm..." file comes the following warning statement. Why is it in the "Hmm..." file? Because it's from the instruction sheet for nonstick pans!
"CAUTION: For safety, please keep pet birds out of the kitchen. Birds' respiratory systems are sensitive to many kinds of household fumes, including the fumes from extremely overheated nonstick pans."
Uh...good to know...

:: Q 12/21/2003 03:14:00 PM
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Coming soon, The Phone For Climbers. Except, it would be called something catchy like:
The P4C for all your 5.10s! Are you sick and tired of experiences like this while climbing? "Can you hear me now?" "Fuck no, jackass! I'm trying to get a cam from my rack AND juggle this damn phone!"

Well moo no more, my beta-hungry friend! The P4C is coming soon! Exciting features for _your_ dynamic lifestyle include a built-in carabiner-esque clip, a Bluetooth wireless headset, and voice activated everything. The P4C also features a chalk and water resistant design with rubberized grips and a holster so your phone is where you need it, when you need it, how you need it. Why you need it? We don't know, but The P4C also includes a ringer that sounded like a bird so as not to disturb the native wildlife. But, wait, there's more! The P4C's ringer can also be customized so you know if it's your phone when you're on The Nose. Here are some comments from our satisfied customers:
"Dudes, your phone rules. Check it out, I replaced the ringer with the sound of Barry screaming as he falls. Heh heh."
"Whoah, that last writer was a clown. I just have my P4C yell 'FALLING!' when it rings. it's freakin' priceless."

And just to make sure you'll get signal when you're about to campus past the crux (you badass!), The P4C is equipped with satellite phone technology and, naturally, a GPS receiver to make sure you're going not where nature intended, but where you intended.

But remember, The P4C isn't just a phone, it's a complete service package. For a limited time, you can get unlimited calling and messaging between members of your climbing party. And, for a low introductory rate, try #CLM, our new Beta2U service that gives you beta for your route with just a few easy keystrokes. Dolph from Banff writes: "It was great! I just hit #CLM, and then M-E-A. The voice came on and asked 'Are you climbing Meats of Evil?' I said yes, and it gave me great beta, _plus_ a backup text page to me and Helgard! It was awesome!"

Act now and clip in to the greatest revolution in climbing since those cool little keychains. Is The P4C in your rack?

:: Q 11/21/2003 10:20:00 AM
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Oh, for the love of crap, so it took me three months to post something new. I doubt anybody ever bothers looking at this blog, and even if they did, I'm sure they'd understand how the combination of a really nasty double-knot in your shoelaces, a piece of beeph stuck waaaay back in your teeph, and a pocket full of paper napkins (only discovered _after_ going through the washing machine) can be a drain on your time.

:: Q 11/12/2003 02:12:00 PM
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Actual license plate: MWAHAHA
Unfortunately, this was seen on a Mercedes SUV, that undeserving piece of... Such a shame that this license plate couldn't be used on a beat up old van or, better yet, a hearse.

:: Q 11/12/2003 02:10:00 PM
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This one goes to eleven.

:: Q 11/12/2003 12:11:00 AM
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Is it a bad sign if, when the president, er, uh, I mean, leader of your country speaks, a good number of your fellow citizens collectively make the jerking off motion?

:: Q 8/18/2003 04:12:00 PM
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Question: should nuclear science-types or political science-types be searching for nuclear weapons in Iraq? There are pros and cons to both sides. Given the problem-solving nature of physicists, I think the following is a possible scenario. The part of the Iraqi will be played by the letter 'I.' The part of the American nuclear physicist will be played by the letter 'A.'
I--Here are our Weapons of Mass Destruction. They don't really work, but this is what we have.
A--Hmm... Yes, these clearly are non-functional. UN-Boy, make a note of that. Hmm...let's see...
I--What are you doing?
A--Well, if I swap these two wires and - Hey, Brian, get me that power inverter and the 4-port relay switch from my bag. Yes, well, this isn't too hard to fix. Ok, now I just put this here, and crimp down the wires, and, there!
I--It is working now?
A--Yep. That wasn't so bad. Right, on to the next WMD site. Thank you for your cooperation.
I--No problem...

:: Q 8/18/2003 04:06:00 PM
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Many people have asked: is Shrub Duh-bya the spawn of Satan? Well, when his mental impotence was recently exposed, he lashed out at his detractor in a way which, after applying a little hastily prepared, all-seeing truth scrub, clearly shows that he is, in fact, the spawn of Satan. The apparent change of his attire is also clear evidence of evil, supernatural influence. That is all for today's theological-political blender ramble.

:: Q 7/25/2003 09:33:00 AM
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"Here is my comment for your blog: HELLO-HELLO!"

:: Q 7/17/2003 06:53:00 AM
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Notice to Q: unless you post something new and interesting by July 9, one month from the date of your previous post, your blog may be terminated, you sorry, pathetic lame-ass. --The Management

:: Q 7/07/2003 08:56:00 AM
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This is what happens when you leave your groomsmen to their own devices in the desert landscaping at your house. Yep, that's right: rock angels...

:: Q 6/09/2003 09:39:00 AM
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Now, I'm no highway safety engineer, but if the hazard suggested by this sign exists in a particular area, should there even be a road there?!? Falling rocks are one thing, but, well, just look at the damn sign for yourself. Holy crap!!

:: Q 6/05/2003 09:31:00 PM
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Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu, v! (Please excuse this diversion from the otherwise very professional qBloq atmosphere.)

:: Q 6/02/2003 03:30:00 PM
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Airport giftshops are notorious for the amazing craptasticness of the merchandise that they sell. Despite this notoriety, I was still surprised when I saw these at a shop in Bradley International. How much of a "Bad Boy" are you if, despite the listed title, your keychain has a bird, a lighthouse, and gently flowing waters on it?! "No Fear" makes sense by comparison, because, quite frankly, the image on those keychains frightens me...

:: Q 5/27/2003 01:48:00 PM
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So, some DJs in Cleveland decided to pretend like they were tying balloons to a cat and that the cat floated away. Roughly 93.6% of morning DJs are, in fact, idiots, so is it surprising that they pulled this stunt? Then again, would it be surprising if they actually tied balloons to a cat? I think the DJs should be put in the tiger pen at the zoo, just to teach them a lesson. To make things interesting, throw in a helium tank and a bunch of balloons. Of course, this begs the question: will the DJs try to use the balloons to

a) lift the tigers out of the enclosure, allowing the tiger-less DJs to eat all the raw meat,

b) lift themselves out of the closure, into the waiting hands of hoardes of schoolchildren or,

c) inhale the helium and then taunt the tigers with their super-squeaky voices?
The answer is, of course, (c). Here is a likely transcript of what would follow:
"Heeeeeeere kitty, kitty, kitty! DUDE!! My voice is so cool!"
Followed by the obligatory: "we represent the kitty-kat guild, the kitty-kat guild the kitty-kat guild, and in the name oooooof the kitty-kat guiiiii""RRRAAWRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
"Ah, shit, Robbie? Dude, are you ok?"

:: Q 5/15/2003 09:35:00 AM
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You might be interested to know that Crazy Aaron's Thinking Putty can now be acquired. Sadly, I had nothing to do with its creation, though I think there's a pretty good basis for a lawsuit in there somewhere...

:: Q 5/14/2003 10:06:00 AM
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Is it decadence or insanity to cover a video game controller with suede? I may soon find out...

:: Q 5/02/2003 08:57:00 AM
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Man, Trogdor just yacked up a burninated peasant on my carpet. That's definitely not cool. Hey, Trogdor--go burninate outside!! It's really hard to house-train a man, er, a dragon-man, um, maybe just a dragon.

:: Q 4/29/2003 08:35:00 PM
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Playing some good, hard rockin' at your own wedding? Now THAT kicks some ass!

:: Q 4/29/2003 04:09:00 PM
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I saw a Southern Arizona Recovery Services car-carrying truck yesterday. The driver just parked in the turn lane of a side street, left the truck running, and went into a Starbucks with his female companion. I thought all of this was inherently amusing enough until I looked at the passenger door and saw, in big, puffy, pink letters, the acronym of the company. That's right: SARS Tucson, AZ. Where's a camera when you need one?!

:: Q 4/23/2003 08:15:00 AM
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Is this really a better way to continue The Annals of Stuff? Hmm... Well, now, when I'm at an internet cafe in Venice, I can just log on and submit updates via the web! (Insert sound of one person coughing in an empty auditorium....here.)

:: Q 4/21/2003 09:19:00 PM
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Oh, man, some of this (Flash required ) is damn hilarious... Strong Bad might just be my new hero...

:: Q 4/21/2003 02:22:00 PM
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Why does it always feel like the condensation on the outside of ice cream containers is really nasty? What the crap?

:: Q 4/21/2003 10:43:00 AM
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Before I posted anything on this blog, there was NOTHING!

:: Q 4/20/2003 02:10:00 PM
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qBloq is online. Nothing to see here. Move along.

:: Q 4/20/2003 02:10:00 PM
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